362 Days

I’m listening to “Bruce Springsteen & The E Street Band Live 1975-85” A boxset you lent me when I was maybe thirteen I wish I’d taken it to America with me I’m sure it’s lost now I’d heard “Born to Run” on some music channel and liked it  You came in and handed me these

“Days I Didn’t”

There’s been days I didn’t Because it’d be obvious why I did But I guess that every day that I don’t Is a day that I didn’t And some people talk to me Like that’s an achievement But what will the days I didn’t be worth If the day comes that I do

“Idc she said but c she d”

The most selfish thing I’ve ever done, Was wish I hadn’t outlived my mother. No one else can love me unconditionally, And I can’t love myself. Every time I get a glimpse of who I am, The ugliness inside is worse than the surface. And the loss has never stopped, I burned through years of

“Better”

I get sick of hearing, What me means to them. I get sick of knowing, What I do to me does to them. I get sick of learning, The things I need are a burden for them. It’s an endless loop. Don’t die for another week, Not until we hear what your therapist says. There’s

“Something Nice”

Say something nice, And have it be true. Say it won’t be okay, But that’s alright. Say I’ll die alone, But everyone does. So maybe we’re together. Say something nice, And have it be true, Say “the fucking proletariat is not depending on you.” Say I don’t know how to be what I am, But

“Whatever bitch (I’m bitch)”

Where does grieving begin, And the hangover end? I have no ambition, Just distraction. Buying something silly, Eating something fatty, Drinking something strong, Looking at tits on my phone, Googling something I don’t remember. If I didn’t fail her when she was here, I’ll fail her now she’s gone, And she is gone. She doesn’t

“Endlessness”

I miss my grandparent’s house, A place I never wanted to be. I miss struggling through conversation, With my sweetheart of a mother. I miss the pain I felt, Standing by her hospital bed. I miss the discomfort I felt, Surrounded by people who loved me. I miss the desperation I felt, To be alone.

“Unknown Order”

“…all she asks is the strength to hold me…”

“Eggshells”

“…Born a woman, Inside a man, Without the strength, To live as either…”

“The Beginning of Death”

“…What do you do when death begins / But nothing around you ends…”